I was born into tremendous privilege.
Not because we were rich. We certainly were not. We were squarely ensconced in the middle of the middle class. We always had a roof over our heads, and 3 squares, but no frills. How my folks managed on their income still amazes me to this day.
Not because my parents were in influential positions which would have let me leapfrog my way into the upper echelons of my chosen position. No, both passed away late into my teen years, leaving my sister and I a modest home that was paid for, but almost no cash. Neither saw their 49th birthday.
Not because I was born into the dominant race. I was a biracial kid in 1950's Singapore when that was just not done. Now I did not get the sort of treatment that a biracial kid in the American deep south may have had to endure, but my mixed ethnicity was certainly no advantage.
But I did have an excellent upbringing.
From my father I learned to fight for what is right and what I believe in, no matter what the cost. And the costs were high. He spent 5 long years in detention as a political detainee, held without charges (and consequently no right to appeal, since there was no charges to appeal). I learned young about Catch-22's. That was some catch.
From my mother, I learned empathy. I inherited a love of music. I learned to laugh at the silliest things, and especially at myself. And to talk to random strangers. And about never giving up. Mama was diagnosed with Leukemia when I was 13 and lived almost 7 years, despite having been given a prognosis of 2. I learned about acceptance, of myself, and others. And that I could be anything I chose to be, I just had to work for it. She omitted to tell me that failure was a possibility, and therefore that thought never really occurred to me.
And from her and her 2 elder sisters, my aunts (affectionally called "Baby" and "Kunja") who were working professionals in the medical field, I learned about loving, strong, wonderful women, and never felt threatened by them. And from this I saw women as having the same basic abilities that I did, and who were equally capable of being successful, competent professionals if that is what they chose to be. It never occurred to me to think of women in a predatory way.
And from my entire extended family beginning with my maternal grandfather, I learned the value of scholarship. Of reading. Of always trying to learn something new. That tertiary education was something I would do after high school, no if ands or buts.
We were a closely knit family, and I learned the value of kinfolk. Even those, because of geographical separation, I did not grow up with. I met my cousin Roopa for the first time when when I was 30. I had known of her all my life, but we had never met, having been separated by geographical boundaries. Her first words to me were "you're grey. and you're fat". This was no stranger. This was my sister. Immediately. From the instant I laid eyes on her. I learned about always rooting for family. Whatever your differences, ultimately they cared for you and loved you, and would do anything for you. And I would for them.
And from my parents untimely deaths, I learned about cherishing those dear to me. Of not taking them for granted. Of letting go of petty shit. And just going forth without fear. What is the worst that can happen? I die. Well, it's going to happen at some point for sure, so why be afraid of it? I left home at 21 and travelled halfway around the world armed with a suitcase, a guitar, a semester's worth of college tuition, and the woefully naive belief that everything would be just fine.
From my sister I learned that sexual orientation is not a choice. It is something you are born with. Feeling threatened by a gay person is as silly as feeling threatened by a person whose race or skin color is different from mine. We cannot help what we are born with. We can only try to be good and decent people.
And from my children I learned how important it is to nurture. Our role as parents is not to make little clones of ourselves, but to bequeath to them the tools that they will need to find their own paths in life.
And from my friends, I learned the value of community. When our house flooded, people I knew just rallied around and came, unasked and helped remove carpet, scrape floors, give advice about flooring, lend tools, come over and help on off days. I learned that I can never be poor because my friends would not allow this to happen.
Forget silver spoons. I had something far more valuable.